The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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