Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's never too late to be topless.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
