i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
