We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
