My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
