I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
