am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
