I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize