Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
