It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
