just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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