tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
