You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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