Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
