Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
