Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
