i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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