your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
