you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was confusing and full of hummus
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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