Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
