Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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