Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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