I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Pants are for mortals
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
