At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
