I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
