i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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