No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
