Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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