im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
