I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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