You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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