Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
