that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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