I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
