even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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