im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
