Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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