remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
