My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
