he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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