News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
