Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
