Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hippo gnu deer
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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