hotel room ftw
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
