No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
