hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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