Ketchup is God's man juice
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
