I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have already put on my inside pants.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
