She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
