I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
