Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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