I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
