i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize