WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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