Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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