after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
