KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
