Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
