forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just had sex bonerless
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize