Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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