do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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