oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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