somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize