so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
