just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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