What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
