So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
