im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize