I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All the doctor said was why
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
