Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
