im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
