Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
