I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
