He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
