Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Green mimosas i think yes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
