He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
