What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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