FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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